you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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