Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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