Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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