i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
