We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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