even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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