I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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