Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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