So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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