Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
