i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
