dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
