he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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