Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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