I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
