So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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