Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
