There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
