I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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