I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
