Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
