He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
