One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
