he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
