So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
