Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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