I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
