don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
