He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
