It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
