I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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