Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
