I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
