A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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