Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
