This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
