glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
