It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
vagina is talking i cant
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
