ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
