he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
