you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
