Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
