you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
