She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
