If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
