i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
