my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
