david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
