4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
