If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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