guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
